It doesn't have to feel like a photoshoot!
Your day, your way
If you have been following me for a while you will know how passionate I am about couples being unapologetically themselves. With over 15 years in Special Educational Needs and Disability working with neurodivergent parents/children (and being an ND household) I have always wanted to ensure photography has been accessible to everyone. Whether that is the camera shy, anxious couples or neurodivergents who find additional pressures not only anxiety inducing, but may throw their whole nervous system off.
With the increase in social media, I have witnessed through out the many weddings I have captured as a Dorset candid wedding Photographer, the additional demands placed upon the day that is quite frankly not needed. Some of the demands are 'traditions' that continue because couples assume a wedding has to have them. But some have been down to getting the Instagram 'perfect' picture, not just for the couple, but for the wedding suppliers and this includes the photographer!
Your wedding does not have to follow traditions. It does not have to look a certain way, or follow typical timelines. And it certainly does not have to be a certain way because someone else tells you too. Over the last three years I have been encouraging my wedding couples to explore other ways to enjoy their day by thinking about what THEY want, or more importantly, what they NEED! So I have created a little list of ideas that you may find helpful. If, like my couples, you just want to have fun and enjoy your wedding day and not feel like you are on a movie or photography set being told what to do, this may be useful.
Here are some ideas that I have suggested:
- Split the celebration up! Have your ceremony and your reception on separate days, or have space in between to decompress. One couple had their wedding breakfast on the beach with their guests then their ceremony at 4pm to give the bride time to relax.
- Intimate wedding- I shot a wedding recently which had the couple, three children and their dog. You don't NEED 300 guests, invite how many you want. They later had a picnic in the woods together.
- CANDID CANDID CANDID Let your MUA/Hair know that you do not want to have photos (some set up lighting, or pose you for their socials) or let them know you are happy for candid shots. I try to be a fly on the wall and capture it as it happens naturally, so no pressure from me.
- Quiet time- Let your morning suppliers know that you may need silence/reduced conversations
- Do a first look with your partner BEFORE the aisle walk. This reduces anxiety and the pressure
- Walk down the aisle together; make it a team effort.
- Take seat- Have a chair at the bottom of the aisle if you feel you will be anxious or have panic attacks. Also great if you have reduced mobility/POTS/EDS
- Have a break after the ceremony, a quick 5 -10 minutes together to reconnect and take a breath
- You don't NEED to do confetti! Whilst I love a confetti shot, if this feels overwhelming then don't do it!
- Reduced group shots (or no group shots); with 3-5 mins per group it takes a lot of time that you could be socialising/resting
- Being Announced- You don't need to be announced into the room. You can creep in, all walk in together or even get seated first and announce your guests in.
- Love heart seat- Instead of a top table, just have the two of you so there is no pressure to socialise.
- Cake cutting- Either don't bother cutting the cake, or have a private cake cutting, Or just simply have cupcakes/brownies
- First dance- a lot of my couples don't have a first dance so I recommend either a private one at golden hour, or slipping in your favourite song during your party so everyone joins in naturally. You could also do a first dance but make it mandatory that everyone joins in!!
- Frequent Breaks- Take breaks through out the day, before you hit burn out.
The biggest thing is communication. Let everyone know how you are feeling and what you need. I notice a bride the other day go mute, she moved away from her guests and was holding on to her husband's hand tightly. I recommended some alone time together (and I hid in a bush and capture some photos for a few minutes) and I noticed a huge difference in when she returned. I don't know if she recognised she needed that time, or that she could just take herself away, but the end of the day, this is your wedding, so make sure you enjoy it.
Remember everyone is there because they love you, so they WILL understand and support you in your wedding decisions.
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